Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Everett: One Month

I can't believe I have been a mom to this sweet baby for a month.  I want to freeze time.  I have already had to put away some of his newborn sleepers and it kills me.  I want him to stay little.  I love when he curls up in a little ball, it is my favorite, he looks so little and comfy, I take a picture of it daily.

He is growing like crazy (I think), we haven't had a chance to weigh him since Canada other than on our own scale holding him, but he is fattening up for sure, making for thee most kissable cheeks you could possibly imagine.  I think we both kiss them a hundred times a day.

He is such a good eater, and is eating about every three hours still. When he is hungry, he is HUNGRY! He is like a little maniac when "his food" is in front of him and makes the funniest face when latching, I laugh every single time, even in the middle of the night.

He is liking his baths more and more, lately I like to just fill the tub and get in with him, he seems to like this better than his bather thing on the counter and I love the skin to skin time.  He is really relaxed and content after his bath in his warm towel, this many times leads to him going to the bathroom on us!

He likes to be swaddled, but likes his hands by his face.  I sleep with my hand on my face too (weird I know) so I kind of love that he does the same thing.

He likes white noise and if we rock him in front of the dryer, the fan in the bathroom or the oven fan, he calms easily and will fall asleep.

Sleeping is not his favorite thing to do.  Ben and I are convinced he has "grunting baby syndrome", which according to the internet is a real thing.  He seems to be constantly grunting and straining, even while he sleeps and it wakes him up constantly.  It breaks my heart because I know he is uncomfortable and hurting but I can't help him.  We have tried gripe water, gas relief drops, and me going off dairy (kind of...I keep accidentally eating dairy-It's everywhere!) but nothing seems to give him relief!  I don't think it is colic because he doesn't scream and is pretty easily consoled, he just grunts and fusses and seems to have gas.
Has anyone else experienced this with their babies?

He would much rather sleep in his swing/rocker/carseat/on us than in his bassinet.  He (we) has had a couple really rough nights where he will only sleep for half hour at a time and then start his grunting and fussing as soon as we put him down. So we are working on the whole sleeping thing.  It has been hard and completely exhausting but even when I feel so tired and annoyed he is up again, I pick him up and feel how little and sweet and helpless he is and it makes it all worth it.

He really is a sweet baby though, my favorite time is when he is awake and alert and calm and just looking around at the world.  He does this thing where he will lay on my chest but then look up right at me, it is one of our favorite positions, he looks right at me like he knows I'm his mom.

It has been an amazing month but a really hard month too.  I feel like my heart did the "grinch" thing and literally grew ten sizes when I met our baby.  This, accompanied by crazy hormones have made my highs feel higher and my lows feel lower.  There have been many tears at night when he won't sleep and I am exhausted and delusional and feeling guilty that I can't help him feel better and sleep.  I have had moments of pure joy though, it is a love that is different from any other love I have felt before and makes my heart want to explode!  The day my mom left was probably my hardest day yet and all of a sudden I felt so small and inadequate, slowly but surley though we are figuring it out. Yesterday Ben and I took him to run errands and go out for lunch and I felt so happy, just our little family of three.

Although I want time to stop, I also can't wait for what is to come.  For him to smile (intentionally) is what I am really looking forward to in the next few weeks!  So here's to the first month with Everett.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

A Baby Shower

When I was in Canada, my cousins threw me the sweetest, cutest baby shower!
I was supposed to be pregnant still, but apparently Everett really wanted to be there in person so he came 
a few weeks early to make it in time for the party! 
It was better this way anyways because everyone got to meet him!

I decided to just have it be family and it was so great to see everyone
but also just to talk to all the amazing women in my fam!
They all have their own babies and have been moms for much longer than me,
it was so nice to sit and talk about all things baby.
They made me feel a lot better about everything I was worrying about the first week of his life
and it was nice to know I wasn't the only person feeling all crazy and emotional and sleep deprived
and sore and that it wouldn't last forever!

My cousins are the most creative and domestic people I know
so of course every detail of the shower was adorable and the food was amazing!
Honestly though, those cupcakes were the best cupcakes I have ever tasted in my life.

So thank you SO much to Nicki and Robyn and Mandy for throwing me this perfect shower!

party animal!

Friday, March 22, 2013

A Name

I am that girl that has been thinking about what I would name my kids since I was like ten years old, always writing them down in old journals and then more recently keeping lists in my phones.  Boys names have always been harder for me, so when I found out we were having a boy I would run about 100 names past Ben daily, he was really good at shooting them down and coming up with ways they could get made fun of, but really bad at contributing.

We finally narrowed it down to a list of three.  About two months ago, we were set.  I was 100 percent sure.  So sure that I even painted a "D" in his nursery.

Then I met my baby.  I thought for sure he would be dark skinned and dark haired, Ben's genes seemed powerful.  I had a blonde haired, fair skin baby boy and the name I was picturing for this dark baby didn't seem to fit anymore.

I still loved the name but I wasn't so sure it was his name.  So we went back to our list.  It was between Everett and the "D" name.  I won't say it because we still might use it one day!  We left the hospital with our poor nameless baby, he was just "Baby Tremblay".  In Canada you have 10 days to name the baby. We went one full week.  I was so 50/50 and I didn't know what would push me one way or the other.

I would be so sure in my head that it would be one name and then hours later I would change my mind again!

Finally Ben and I were sitting in our room, I was feeding the baby, and I said ok we are naming this baby right now.  I asked him which one he preferred (before this he told me he was exactly 50/50 too) if he HAD to choose, he said he might prefer Everett just a little bit.  I said "ok then, that is his name" and we decided!

I love his name, and he so seems like an Everett now (pronnounced Ev-Reht, two syllables, not three people!)

Ben served in the Everett Washington Mission for our church for two years.  That is where we got the idea for the name, and so it does hold some sentimental value.

He will have this name for the rest of his life, I tried to picture him as this name from a toddler, to a teenager, to a husband and an old man and I think it fits perfectly.  I can't wait to see what my baby Everett brings to his name.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

a baby in a bath

going to be playing catch up for a little...

are you kidding me?  I die!  Freshly bathed and all wrapped up in his bunny towel from Eujean, Micheal and Sarah!

Everett seems to have mixed emotions about his bath.
Some days he really likes it, one time he even fell asleep in the bath, 
and other days he screams bloody murder until we get him out of there!

I know that in the states they say to only sponge bath until their cord falls off
but in Canada they do things different, and they get their first full-on bath the very day they are born
and as many as you want to give after that!

So that first night, my mom came up to the hospital and gave Everett his first bath.
It was really cute, and she knew all the tricks to teach me.
Like how to hold thier feet when getting them out so they could never slip out of your hands
and to have a warm towel in the dryer waiting for them when they get out.

Even though sometimes he does his screamo while bathing 
I love bathing him, 
mostly because I love smelling him after.
It is like my drug.
Really though, is there anything better than the smell of freshly bathed baby sleeping on your chest?

His first bath:

And some since then:

Monday, March 18, 2013

Everett's Birth Story

Well its been three weeks to the day, so I wanted to write this before I forget anything.  Looking back I can't decide if it feels like it has been way longer than three weeks because I just love Everett so much or if it feels like just yesterday I was pushing a baby out of me. I know some people like to keep birth stories private but not only do I want to document mine by writing it down for myself, friends and family but I loved reading other peoples stories while I was pregnant so hopefully someone somewhere will appreciate this.

*I just finished writing this-SOO long!  I asked Ben to proofread it for me and he said he had to take breaks and read it in parts, so just a warning*

Well I said I wanted it to be like the movies! And although it really wasn't that dramatic, there was a spontaneous water breaking, a police chase pull-over, Ben sprinting through the hospital to make it by my side in time.

It all started on Sunday night-February 24th.  I was only 37 weeks along, I had been in Canada for a week, Ben was still in Utah not planning on coming up for another two weeks and I had no signs of labor.  When I woke up that morning my mom told me to be careful because it was a full moon that night. My mom is a nurse in the NICU and they all firmly believe that more babies are born on full moons, she says their unit is always packed and busy on full moons.  I was not a believer and told her that was obviously just a coincidence.

I had a horrible cold for a couple of days before this Sunday night so I was not feeling too hot, I had just face-timed with Ben, and rolled over to go to sleep.  Seconds later, at about midnight exactly I felt warm wetness around me, I knew I wasn't peeing so I was really confused.  I got up and went to the bathroom while calling my mom and more water came out of me.  They do not tell you how much water comes out when your water breaks (I'm talking towels). I called the hospital and they told me to definitely come in right away.  Apparently once your water breaks you need to have the baby within 24 hours because there is a high chance of infection after your membranes rupture.  I called Ben, who I had just barley talked to five minutes before and told him this was not a drill, and to get in the car and drive to Canada.  He left at around 12:30am (It is a 12 hour drive)  It was going to be a long drive for both of us.

I was not prepared at all, so I had to still pack a bag for a couple of days in the hospital, I was not going to be coming back to my house until we brought the baby home.  I was pretty nervous at this point, I was shaking a lot and still a lot of water breakage.  Mostly I was worried about Ben driving safe, making it in time and about the trauma my body was about to experience.  I still wasn't having any contractions which was lucky because my mom had just taken a sleeping pill so she couldn't drive, my dad had to stay with my baby sister so I drove myself to the hospital!  (Disclaimer: My mom wants everyone to know she is not a pill popper but works night shifts as a nurse and sometimes takes a sleeping pill to get her schedule on track) haha it was kind of a funny coincidence actually!

Once we got to the hospital, they strapped me into some monitors and confirmed that YES my water definitely broke, I would be staying in the hospital for the night and would talk to the doctor in the morning.  I had pretty high blood pressure, so they were a little worried but it ended up just being crazy nerves, because it went back to normal a little while later.  I was actually supposed to see my Canada doctor the next morning for my 37 week appointment but since it happened the night before, the hospital had none of my charts or anything.  They did not know the results of my GBS test I had done it Utah so I had to be treated for it anyways.  This meant an IV, my very first one.  It actually hurt like crap, as I was wincing in pain as the nurse put in my IV I had to laugh at myself because if I thought THIS hurt.....

So my mom slept on the cot, and we tried to get some sleep.  That didn't happen.  I don't think either of us slept all night long.  I started having contractions at around 3 am, they were about 10-15 minutes apart and lasted less than a minute but they still HURT, enough to not let me sleep.  My doctor came in the next morning around 7am.  This guy definitely does not have the best bedside manner but is known for being VERY competent, so he was a little blunt but I did feel safe.  He told me this was the worst thing I could have done.  They do not like when your water breaks and you are not in active labor-He said he wanted to induce me right away.  I really did not want this.  I held back my tears telling him my husband was still five hours away.  He told me my husband could be on the moon and it wouldn't matter, they needed to do what was best for me and the baby and that was to get him out!  I told him I WAS in labor! I was having contractions! But because I was only 1 cm dilated he said I needed to be induced or it would be 2 am and still pushing and way too high of a chance of infection etc.  He said there was no way I would be delivering in 5 hours anyways (little did he know).  Well my nurse (who I loved) was awesome and took her sweet time for me, she took a while to hook up the drip (pitocin) and let me doddle before heading to the delivery room.   I begged her to let me wait just a couple hours before hooking up the pitocin but she was on doctors orders and just put it on the lowest level.

Well I think that the doctor checking me, set something in motion, because before they had even started the pitocin my contractions picked up a lot.  I can say that contractions were the worst pain I have felt in my entire life.  I thought the fear of birthing was the actual pushing but the contractions are the killer.  I could barley walk and my body shook like crazy during and after each one.  I had always planned on the epidural, before I was in labor I worried about the needle and the numbness but when I was in actual labor,I could have cared less how huge the needle was, I wanted THE EPIDURAL!!  They called the anesthesiologist and told me to try and go to the bathroom before he came.  I went into the bathroom and had the worst contractions I had yet, I thought I was going to literally die in that tiny bathroom.  It felt like they lasted forever and there was no break in between.  I called Ben in tears and told him how bad I wished he was there (Props to my mom though because she was amazing this whole time, I absolutely could not have done it without her there)  and how bad they hurt and told him to HURRY!!  Finally the epidural man came and my body continued shaking like crazy while he put the epidural in.  In Canada (or at least at this hospital)  they do epidurals a little different.  It is something called a walking epidural, meaning I couldn't feel my contractions anymore, my core was numb but I could still feel and move my legs and eventually I would still feel everything in the nether regions as I pushed!

After the epidural I was a different person, I wanted to kiss the anesthesiologist.  I could no longer feel my contractions, I was so much more calm and hopeful and optimistic that Ben would make it in time.  I thought I still had a long time before the baby was actually going to come, but when the nurse checked me I was already at a 6, Ben was only an hour and a half away at this point though and I still had 4 cm to go so I wasn't too worried.

30 minutes later, I started feeling pressure, it felt like my tailbone was being crushed.  So the nurse checked me again.  She said "I can't believe it but you are a 10, you are fully dilated, it is time to push"  This was NOT good news to me.  Ben was still an hour away, he was at the border!  I called Ben and told him to get here FAST!  I do not even want to know how fast he sped from the border to the hospital.  I told her I didn't want to push until Ben got there.  She tricked me and told me that I should just practice, that she was going to teach me how to push properly during contractions.  So I started pushing during contractions, I could have pushed way harder than I actually was and was not really trying very hard (I NEEDED Ben to be there).  Sometimes  when the nurse wasn't looking, I could feel the pressure of a contraction but I wouldn't tell her.  I was stalling!  Then the baby's heart rate started to drop during contractions, this was because he was OT?  I don't know what that means but basically face up!  I started getting a little worried and came to terms that Ben was not going to be there for the birth and it was time to meet my baby.  My mom was calling Ben every couple minutes telling him to hurry, telling him I was pushing, told him to just park wherever and GET HERE!!  The doctor came in and things got real, I pushed as hard as I could.  WOW it hurt.  I could not only feel intense pressure but a lot a lot of pain.

About 5 minutes after the doctor got there, Ben ran in the door, even though I was pushing a baby out of me, I don't think I have ever been happier.  The doctor told him to grab one of my legs and literally the next contraction/push Ben told me he could see the head, he said "he's looking at me" I could not believe this!  2 very painful pushes later the baby was out and screaming.  I was really surprised, I didn't scream or cry or while pushing just kept saying ow ow ow ow ow and telling them it really hurt.  (Ben was also very surprised at the lack of tears and screaming haha)  They put the baby on my chest, he was so small and little and I couldn't believe he was just inside me! I was a little distracted because I was in so much pain down there and my body was shaking so so bad. They took him off my chest and cleaned him up a little, weighed him and things next to me while the doctor stitched me up (Yikes) Then they gave him back to me and this time I was more alert and studied every inch of this beautiful baby.  I couldn't believe he was blonde! I thought for sure Ben's dark genes would overpower mine!  I loved him instantly.  It really was incredible.  I breastfed right then and there and he did it!  It was so crazy to me that this little baby knew that is what he wanted and that is what he needed, he did great and latched right on and even swallowed a little.  They then took him to do some more things and I got to shower.  I loved that shower.  I couldn't believe my baby was waiting for me outside and I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father so so much that Ben made it in time and thanked Him for sending me this perfect little baby. The shower is where I do my best crying anyways.

I really do feel like it was a miracle and a tender mercy that Ben made it in time, with literally 5 minutes to spare.  If he had stopped at a gas station longer, if he had left five minutes later, he would have missed it.  (PS-He did get pulled over in Montana though and even though he had the most real ideal excuse,the cop still gave him a ticket!?)

I am so grateful that everything went well, I am truly amazed at what our bodies are capable of.  I feel like they should put pregnant women in a coma for a couple of days after they give birth so they can recover, because it truly is a trauma and an utter shock to the body. I felt like I had ran a marathon the next day, every muscle in my body was sore.  No one would want that though, because you have a precious baby to take care of, I don't think I slept again at all that next night, because I just wanted to stare at and hold the baby.  Even though it was probably the hardest physical thing I have ever done, I already forget the pain and would do it again in a second for that little boy.

I am a full moon believer.
Here are some pictures.

I took these the day I went into labor.  37 weeks, no idea they would be my last belly shots.

This is me after I got my sweet sweet epidural

Heading home!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Two Weeks Old

Everett getting love from his great grandma
Attention all blog followers:
This blog is about to be consumed by a little person called Everett.

The plan was to not go full on mommy blogger on you 
but I am so obsessed with him that all I want to do all day is take pictures of him
and I want to use this space to document every little thing.

I can't believe it has been two weeks since he came, 
I am supposed to still be pregnant right now!
I am already getting extreme anxiety that he is changing and growing too fast.
I know that sounds weird but I keep thinking, I'm never going to get that first week back.
I can't tell you how much we love him, I was so surprised how fast it came.
Love at first sight.
I love his wrinkly forehead
I love his sad little pouty cry
I love when he puckers his lips when he is sleeping
I love his smell
I love his blonde hair
I love when he sneezes

It has been a crazy two weeks that is for sure.
We had him in Canada 3 weeks early (birth story to come) 
and yes Ben made it in time,with about five minutes to spare.
It was a miracle.
We stayed in Canada with my family for 10 days before we drove back to Utah.
Longest. Drive. Ever.
I am really glad we were able to be in Canada for a little while,
all my family got to meet him and my parents were so helpful with everything, 
it also helps my mom is a NICU nurse so that calmed my nerves a lot.
Plus we took full advantage of Alberta Health Care and visited the doctor almost daily.
I. am. a. worrier.

Things are going really well.
He is breast feeding great, which I was really nervous about but this boy got the hang of it right off the bat.
It is stressful and I am constantly wondering if he needs to eat, if he is getting enough etc.
but I feel lucky in that I haven't been too sore or anything.
My mom came to stay with us for a little which has been a HUGE blessing.
Ben is amazing with him, that has been one of my favorite parts of all this 
is watching him with Everett. 
He is completely smitten and can't stop kissing him.
 Sometimes even wakes him up just because he wants to hold him.
He has been super helpful with everything, definitely beating me in diaper change count
and will even get up sometimes and rock him to sleep after I finish feeding him so I can go back to sleep.

Overall we are doing great, we love him more than words can express.  He is so sweet. 
We are trying to take in everything. I want to remember every facial expression, sound, sneeze,even cry.
I love being his mom.
Even though I am SO SO tired and on the verge of tears pretty much always
I do love being his mom more than anything.

I have so much more to blog about:
birth story
Canada family baby shower
his name
his first bath
his nursery

but everyone says sleep when they sleep, so it is time to sleep.

See?  I told you this is about to become an online shrine to Everett.

And now a billion pictures

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