Tuesday, April 22, 2014


It has been a rough week for us over here.

Everett has been quite sick and I find that I kind of turn into a crazy mess of a person when my kid is sick. He couldn't keep even a drop of anything down for 48 hours which landed us in the ER at 3:30am for dehydration and low blood sugar.  He also briefly became super swollen and puffy after IV fluids which didn't ease my worries.  And then all of a sudden he could not walk, his leg would just give out after a step or two and it was heartbreaking to watch-the doctor thinks it is toxic synovitis and should hopefully clear up in a few days. Today was day six for my sicky guy and hopefully we are on the mend, he finally seemed to be getting back to himself today (although still puking). Tonight he tried to dart off the edge of the bed the second I put him down to get his pajamas on, as he does every night, and with that little squeal and laugh as I pounced on him just before he flopped over the edge, I started feeling better too.

I have mentioned before that I tend to be an anxious and worrisome person and this seems to especially be the case when E is sick in any way.  I have learned that Ben seems to take the route of 'i'm sure he is fine, it is probably nothing' and I tend to think like 'but what if it is something and we miss it?!-google says it could be cancer or a brain tumor or his kidneys are shutting down' and I stay up all night worrying.

I am really trying to work on thinking more positively. We are moving to California for the summer in a week and a half and taking a big risk and I am not very good at risk-taking. It is a big change for us and I am nervous about the move, the travelling, and Ben being gone all day everyday.  I have also been really home sick this week with Ever being sick and celebrating Easter alone (Ben worked all weekend) and I have been quick to feel overwhelmed and sorry for myself.  I have never thought of myself as a negative person, but lately it seems that in any situation I imagine the worst, and I don't like that about myself right now.

In LDS General Conference a few weeks ago, Russel M. Nelson said '...Faith is the antidote for fear' in this great talk.  It seems so easy-If I could just have more faith I wouldn't need to be this giant ball of nerves all the time because I would know that no matter what, everything will be ok. I want to be constantly working on increasing my faith and lessening my fear. I want to to have the antidote for my fear constantly ready in my pocket.

I know my trials, worries and fears are so small compared to what others are going through-but it was an exhausting and crappy week none the less. Puked on more times than I can count, 80 loads of laundry, not much sleep for any of us and some tears in my pillow at the end of the night.

Like I said though, we seem to be on the mend.  I cleaned my house this morning, opened the windows and Everett and I practiced passing a ball back and forth and I realized I am so so thankful for my usually healthy babe, and little sicknesses like this are just in passing.  I vowed this morning to work on building my faith and my trust so that I am ready to kick my fear in the butt next time it creeps up....which will probably be this afternoon....

 ^^^I saw what Ben was wearing for the day, then dressed Everett accordingly.  I have other snaps of this same picture, but for some reason, this one with his eyes closed is my favorite.

^^^Before church on Easter Sunday.

Sunday, April 20, 2014


A Photo Series 'A picture of my child once a week, every week for a year'

Mushroom top

See last weeks here
See the first one here
Click on the label *The 52 project below this post to see all so far

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hailey and her life changing surgery!

For some reason, this post has taken me forever to write (and it is long-sorry).  I think its because I don't want to come off pushy or like I am asking for something.  I want to share with people what is going on with my little sister Hailey and the exciting opportunity we have coming up for her-and also thank greatly the people who have put this together and contributed thus far.

I have written about my little sis Hailey before in this post.  Just to catch you up-Hailey was born three months premature, and weighed just 1 pound 3 ounces.  She could literally fit in the palm of your hand, my dad's wedding ring could go all the way up her arms and all the way up her legs. She was in the hospital for 381 days straight and had a lot of setbacks along the way which combined with the prematurity caused some developmental delays.  She was on oxygen for four years,  she can say about 15-20 words and is mostly fed through a g-tube in her stomach (although she will eat nuts and chocolate like it's her job) just not enough orally to sustain her.  She has a full time aid at school, but she can walk and even run and understands a lot more than she lets on. Today, Hailey is 12 years old-she is happy, active and lovable.  She loves swimming, listening to music and talking on the phone/ face-timing with all of us (her fam)

^^^So tiny and so precious
^^^She has the best smile

I think it has taken me to become a mother to truly understand how much Hailey has gone through.  I was a lot younger in her hospital days and her being in the hospital was just  a part of our lives at the time.  Now that I have held and seen my own baby in my arms, I can't fathom him having to go through what Hailey had to when she was so so small.  She had so many surgeries and scares and lived in a hospital for the first precious year of her life.  I also have a new appreciation on how hard it was and still is for my parents to watch Hailey go through so much and also live in a hospital for over a year.  They continue to be amazing advocates for Hailey, they are patient and do everything they can to make sure she is living a joyful life.

^^^Hailey and I 12 years ago

Here is what is going on with Hailey right now:

Hailey is visually and hearing impaired. She is very far sighted and we are told that everything appears blurry to her.  Because of her poor vision she has trouble looking at books and generalized learning is difficult. She also has poor depth perception and so she is very nervous going up and down stairs (she can't go up and down by herself) and surface changes (for example from carpet to tile or grass to cement)  make her very nervous because she can't tell the level difference. The doctors have tried many things to help her eyesight and have not been successful. She has tried glasses since she was 4 years old, but she absolutely will not keep them on her face because she has an aversion to anything on her face and her head.  This mostly stems from her prematurity and having so many negative experiences as a baby.   

Hailey was told that she was a perfect candidate for something called PRK eye surgery and she was put on the wait list for the surgery.  The ophthalmologist at the Alberta Children’s Hospital felt like she was an excellent candidate for PRK surgery which is similar to Lasik surgery in adults.  He said it could improve her vision immensely, and in turn her depth perception and future learning.  We think with improved eyesight, it could help her speech, her communication and lessen some of her daily frustrations.One month before the surgery, the Canadian government banned the surgery on kids stating that there was not enough research (despite our doctor performing over 450 of these surgeries and them being very safe.) The government didn't want to pay for it anymore cough cough*
So the doctor in Calgary referred Hailey to a doctor in Houston who does the surgery.

 We feel very strongly that this is something that she could benefit from and that we have to give her every chance we can to improve her vision and quality of life.   

That is the background and what is going on right now.  She is scheduled to have the surgery on June 9th. My parents, of course do not have american health insurance and will have to pay for everything out of pocket plus travel expenses of having to be there for over a week.  Since Hailey is a kid, she will also have to be put under=$$$.  

Family friends of my parents (Wade and Sandy Pierson) so graciously started an online fundraiser for Hailey's surgery.  My mom was in tears as she told me they started it and although hesitant to ask for help, we are so grateful.  We have already seen family, friends and some people we don't even know donate money for Hailey.  Myself and my family have been so humbled and so blown away by the generosity of people who care about Hailey.  It seriously has made me want to be better and to pay it forward in any way I can. We really are so so grateful for any and all support.

I thought I would write this post to give people a little bit of background and information on Hailey and her surgery and to share the fundraiser with any who are able to help. If you can't give, we would love it if you would share this post or the fundraiser link with friends on facebook or other social media.

Click on the picture below to go the fundraiser page

Again, I was hesitant to write this and I hope this comes across like I hope it to.  

I love Hailey so much, I have always felt so nurturing and protective over her and I like to think we share a special bond.  I am so excited for her to have this life changing surgery and open up more possibilities for her!

Monday, April 14, 2014

14/52 15/52

A Photo Series 'A picture of my child once a week, every week for a year'

 Literally and figuratively my little shadow


This is Everett and his one and only favorite cousin Tosh.  Everett doesn't play with a lot of other babies, so getting these two together was pretty special to watch.

Click on the lable *The 52 project below this post to see more.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Here comes the sun do-do-do-do

Utah decided to stop being such a tease and I am 98 percent sure spring is here to stay.  
I love spring even more than summer because it's hot but not like back-sweaty hot and 
I am so much more appreciative of what it has to offer because it follows winter.

Our windows are open, jeans cut into shorts, walks to In'N'Out for lunch, 
parks-a-many, a pile of sand in the bathtub at night and 
our daily walk to the mailbox takes about an hour because Everett needs to stop and 
examine every piece of grass, rock and dried up crab apple.

Being able to go outside has made our daily life a lot easier, even despite that the other day
 I found a snail shell in his mouth in horror.
Still-I'll take it ALL DAY!

Ps-Those pretty popcorn popping trees are so pretty but smell like dirty washcloths.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014


I had to put this post into bullet points because it is way too random and disjointed for these thoughts to be their own paragraphs.

  • So we are moving to California for the summer!! Whhhhaaattt?? Although I sometimes tell people it is for an internship for Ben, no no, we are going to sell pest control.  Although, as seen here in this post, and this post we didn't have the greatest experience last time we did summer sales,  but we thought about this a lot and feel like it is a good move for us.  This time we will have a car, a friendly baby, my cousin and his wife (friends), a real apartment and sorry to people of the Midwest but CALIFORNIA >>>>>>>>>Missouri. So, although change like this gives me stomach knots and anxiety, I feel good about it.  We are living in the Oxnard/Ventura area, so if any of you know great stuff to do there let me know.  I fully plan on driving to Santa Monica and living out my Private Practice-lunch-on-the-pier-with-the-ferris-wheel fantasy already, so if that was going to be your suggestion-I'm on it.

  • Also I imagine myself relaxing and reading on the sandy beaches of California-but then I remember I have a 13 month old child and forget about it-but none-the-less the last two books I read were Allegiant (third book in Divergent series) and most recently The Fault in our Stars (which I loved) but both were prettttttty depressing-so I need some happy great book recommendations stat. Also-isn't it weird that the girl and her brother from Divergent movie will be the exact same actors playing the girl and the love of her life in The Fault in our stars movie? 

  • Do you guys watch The Mindy Project?  I love it so much-it is my number one good mood show-seriously Tuesdays are so good because of it-I love Danny Castelano.  WATCH IT.

  • My mom sent down a mother load bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs from the motherland of Canada.  To all of my American friends who are obsessed with mini eggs: on one hand I never want you to try canadian mini-eggs because then you could never go back to enjoying mediocre american mini-eggs.  On the other hand though, I want you to be able to taste the delicious Canadian mini eggs, so you could experience the chocolate-shell perfection perfected by the Canadian Gods that are Canadian mini-eggs.  Everett points to the mother load bag on the counter very first thing when he wakes up in the morning-the truth.

  • Everett has been extra adorable and grown up the last few days-he walks around the apt. babbling to himself carrying around things like highlighters and a huge bottle of canola oil. Babies are so weird, I love it.

  • Spring Cleaning is in full force in this house the last few days. We have been doing weird things we never do like clean baseboards and light switches and it is very exhausting but satisfying.  We also went through our closets and I threw away a lot of clothes-I am kind of a clothes hoarder and had stuff from high school still-it was rough-but I am trying to make my wardrobe a thing of quality and not quantity so it had to be done.
Well that concludes this jabberwocky post. California here we come!

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