Tuesday, April 22, 2014

sick.

It has been a rough week for us over here.

Everett has been quite sick and I find that I kind of turn into a crazy mess of a person when my kid is sick. He couldn't keep even a drop of anything down for 48 hours which landed us in the ER at 3:30am for dehydration and low blood sugar.  He also briefly became super swollen and puffy after IV fluids which didn't ease my worries.  And then all of a sudden he could not walk, his leg would just give out after a step or two and it was heartbreaking to watch-the doctor thinks it is toxic synovitis and should hopefully clear up in a few days. Today was day six for my sicky guy and hopefully we are on the mend, he finally seemed to be getting back to himself today (although still puking). Tonight he tried to dart off the edge of the bed the second I put him down to get his pajamas on, as he does every night, and with that little squeal and laugh as I pounced on him just before he flopped over the edge, I started feeling better too.

I have mentioned before that I tend to be an anxious and worrisome person and this seems to especially be the case when E is sick in any way.  I have learned that Ben seems to take the route of 'i'm sure he is fine, it is probably nothing' and I tend to think like 'but what if it is something and we miss it?!-google says it could be cancer or a brain tumor or his kidneys are shutting down' and I stay up all night worrying.

I am really trying to work on thinking more positively. We are moving to California for the summer in a week and a half and taking a big risk and I am not very good at risk-taking. It is a big change for us and I am nervous about the move, the travelling, and Ben being gone all day everyday.  I have also been really home sick this week with Ever being sick and celebrating Easter alone (Ben worked all weekend) and I have been quick to feel overwhelmed and sorry for myself.  I have never thought of myself as a negative person, but lately it seems that in any situation I imagine the worst, and I don't like that about myself right now.

In LDS General Conference a few weeks ago, Russel M. Nelson said '...Faith is the antidote for fear' in this great talk.  It seems so easy-If I could just have more faith I wouldn't need to be this giant ball of nerves all the time because I would know that no matter what, everything will be ok. I want to be constantly working on increasing my faith and lessening my fear. I want to to have the antidote for my fear constantly ready in my pocket.

I know my trials, worries and fears are so small compared to what others are going through-but it was an exhausting and crappy week none the less. Puked on more times than I can count, 80 loads of laundry, not much sleep for any of us and some tears in my pillow at the end of the night.

Like I said though, we seem to be on the mend.  I cleaned my house this morning, opened the windows and Everett and I practiced passing a ball back and forth and I realized I am so so thankful for my usually healthy babe, and little sicknesses like this are just in passing.  I vowed this morning to work on building my faith and my trust so that I am ready to kick my fear in the butt next time it creeps up....which will probably be this afternoon....



 ^^^I saw what Ben was wearing for the day, then dressed Everett accordingly.  I have other snaps of this same picture, but for some reason, this one with his eyes closed is my favorite.

^^^Before church on Easter Sunday.

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