Thursday, April 16, 2015

On Mothering: They Won't Remember

My best friend 

Isn't it weird that these young, early days with our kids, the days we literally spend every minute playing, protecting, fretting, loving, cuddling and teaching them they won't even remember?

I have been thinking about this lately. We are moving out of our current apartment soon; the place we have been in for three years now.  It is where we brought Everett home to as a tiny newborn, where he has played and slept and had all his firsts in his little life.
I was feeling anxious for him that we won't be coming back to this familiar place.  I was telling my mom my concerns and she replied 'well do you remember the BYU apartment we lived in your first year? Or the house on Columbia Lane when you were three? I haven't the slightest memory of those early years, so thankfully Everett will probably not be scarred or even care that we will be living somewhere different in a few months. At the same time, I was kind of sad and struck by the realization that I don't remember anything and Everett won't remember anything about these amazingly special years we are sharing together right now.

He won't remember the first time we met.

Or the long colic nights he spent crying while we walked him around the house for hours trying to help him and googling every possible thing to help (putting them on top of the vibrating dryer does not work fyi)

He won't remember our faces the first time he laughed or walked or said mama.

He won't remember the nights I nursed him and now rock him to sleep with stories and lullaby's.

Or the outings we try and plan for him that seem to be the most exciting thing he could possibly imagine.

Or the cuddles in bed in the morning, our little family of three, cuddling and tickling.

Don't you think if we all could remember this about our earliest years, we would be nicer to our parents when we were teenagers?  But I guess that's just the vicious cycle, the circle of life or whatever.  It's just crazy that these are the most precious and hardest days of my life so far and the little one who is making them this way won't even remember!

But I've been thinking....

One day (very very far away from now) Everett will have his own little baby. This baby will probably be colic (karma) and he will have all these 'firsts' with his little babe and he will know how I feel right now, and kind of, in some way indirectly 'remember' all these little things.

 Just like now that I have my own child, I can picture my poor parents trying anything to get me to stop crying when I was a baby (they tied chains to the back of the car and drove around, something about static electricity>??|) or their joy and pride when I said my first word or my mom singing and rocking me to sleep. I can kind of indirectly remember. Circle of life my friends.

On a side note, that is why blogging and journaling is so important. He won't remember, but I will!

More of my 'On Mothering' Posts.


Robyn said...

I loved this post Cassie! I've often thought of this...and you just perfectly put it into words:)

Karen MacLennan said...

No Everett may not remember but he will remember that he felt loved and felt secure and that makes it all worthwhile and is more important than anything else!

Mrs.Sasha said...

This was so beautifully written and had me crying because I realize just how right you are.

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